Two ways to combat any conflict
Conflicts do not get resolved without understanding the motives of individuals, of self and others. The conflict could be internal or external like domestic, professional, state’s, countries or the worlds. Reasons for not getting solved are when there are external pressures. Because inside of us knows what’s the correct solution.
Someone drank vodka at a concert. A group of guys mocked his girlfriend, the vodka did the thing. He simply hit, bashed, be throttled and used his guns for the group of guys. When the police enquired, he had no answers but he used the girlfriend to defend him. He was released. The girl found he is a criminal and so she left him for a guy from the group of guys. Her former got infuriated. He raped the girl and killed the guy. Now at the age of 25 years he faces imprisonment for 15 years. He could have escaped this if only he controlled himself the first time and ushered his girlfriend to a calmer place.
The crime rate in my country is increasing. Reactions are too much to handle. There are people dying in road rage. We are becoming intolerant. We think a world of ourselves and the person around is a bunch of crap unworthy of respect and good things because you are far much superior. How come a person from a lower caste in my village built a better house. This is how the rivalry starts.
Conflict redressal, solutions should not occur when the police enquiry will be needed. Things should be nipped in the bud and not ignored. No harm done yet. We prevented to not cause 15 years of imprisonment or death or in accomplishments to those who are less privileged or weaklings or the over smart people who think they can create a world only for themselves. As for me, as a doctor in preventive medicine, I shall never stop solving things or creating a better future for anyone and everyone who desires a better life. I cannot make it alone but I can take the cause. We need strong minds in the world to nullify conflicts.
Some more reasons why conflicts keep sabotaging us that I discovered through experience are like, most people lie for a very long time, or cannot understand other people because they think of their own benefit and comfort. So, the solver cannot understand the agenda, the hidden motive behind any party’s or individual’s statements. The solver can be thinking of internal conflict that is self inflicted. Most layman advisors ask them to write their story or discuss with friends. Layers of dishonesty creeps in at times and both parties (external conflict) or mental jargons of an individual if resolving self, bottle up with false ego.
If someone comes up to another with an open heart to help them, they shy away or question the opinion of helpers without talking about theirs’s. Why should they disclose? They do not want your win, but off course. They are stuck until it’s too late to find help or many opportunities lost.
People everywhere are insecure and feel like a lamb who fell for the butcher? When you ask them, they say we have our reasons, so everything according to us!! As if theirs’s is a flawless pursuit, according to them and others do not matter. Their assertions about own bent of mind doesn’t accept a new or fresh perspective. Instead of evolving they pressurize you to consider your past, comment on you based on what you did, again and again and then tend to demoralize you so that you cannot live in peace and work upon what you actually want to do.
I have an uneventful past. Just full of adjustments, friendships, bearings and responsibilities. Nothing to be intrigued about. But fault finders can say that the lights are off at 6.00 pm, what is she doing? They do not wait to see that right at 3.00 am the light is on; the person is following a very productive morning routine. This is the difference in perspective.
A learning mind is open to discussions, but those who have a rigid opinion, do not want to indulge in any discussion. They have formed an opinion which will not depend how good or bad you are. It depends upon their self-love or their soul’s call. Inside of you, you all love yourself, no room for others, no room for adjustments and keeping to your commitments. It is difficult because we all are alike. We all want success be it collective or individualistic. I believe in collective success but it depends upon how much the team wants to do things collectively. Even if the group agenda is clear, some individuals can be different, then we need to assimilate them but what if even that does not work? Then a conflict role gets triggered and the fight begins. People in the team get involved in playing an individualistic game. But that does not last long. There appear two-faced people who are actually yours but are back-stabbing each other in disguise. What to do? Such and many more social dynamics get solved with two things:
1. Become transparent about your intentions and do not boil up at anyone’s or own mistakes. People should know what you are doing or what your purpose is, before leaping into action. Keep a faithful friend or family member. The girlfriend could have ushered the boyfriend to leave the place and meet each other in the car immediately before any fight begins. They are the team who can think of ways collectively. Or in the beginning of the relationship, both explain what they expect from each other and what both cannot tolerate? In an office-setting be transparent about delegation of duties so that we do not encroach upon the duties of other people, continue our work unchallenged and perfectly. If not so, be tolerant and laugh off certain things. Most outrage is in your head. Life is hard, you are going through a hard time easing out your misfortunes, don’t bother but structured work and transparency even with yourself prevents larger conflicts and helps you develop convictions and defines your role. You get to know yourself better and a lot of issues get solved when you have personal and collective policy or mission.
2. Hard earned respect in your community and bouts of self-respect resolves conflicts. Disrespect in any form creates violence, self sabotage, anger, jealousies and discomfort. When you represent your people, you get to know the team based on the demeanor of an individual. I speak my team, my family, my friends. So when I respect my mission statement, I live a life without looting my time in endless chatter of self-doubt and insecurities. This type of respect earns fulfilment and progress. Your values become dwindled if you do not respect yourself, even if people do not like to give it to you. Because they represent their people so they eve-teased the girlfriend but the pathetic lover is hilariously flawed by resorting to violence. Both lacked mutual respect, and guy must have been a self-loathing person. Things can be talked about without swearing. Things can be controlled by doing your part and keeping mum. Things are solved by deciding on your correct intentions. Do not save your name, give name and your self-respect remains intact.
Crimes can be reduced when we are little less of liars, drinkers, intentional confounders, ignorant and don’t fight for respect in our pursuits. Conflicts are resolved better with values. You need to feel proud of yourself if others only let you feel like crap. Conflicts should be managed inside or by discussions, instead of obsessing about them. Indeed let your values win in the one life that we have. This leads to a relentless problem solver. Both for self and other people going through conflicts.
