The hardest negotiations in life

Especially for divorcees……………….

Certain emotions are difficult among my people. And may be among yours too. Whenever there is a setback, we are told to create a new version of ourselves, thoughts like he was not worth it, I am more beautiful, I got work to do, let the pain in the ass not be an obstacle in my life, let him marry someone else, I do not enjoy his company, keep resonating with us. We seek temporary gratification by talking to friends on phone for a very long time until they say, sorry we are busy, shall get back to you later and so on.

Though it is the death of a relationship, people get motivated tremendously while going through a divorce also, but with a very heavy emotional pain. If not taken care of, a hard to treat mental illness can sabotage us. The hidden pain might stay for an year or so, if people who are living single after a divorce take care of themselves. If not, then the deep self-destruction begins, like getting back to who they used to be without a partner. The motivation to become better than themselves lasts only a few months and they are back to square one, repeating the same mistakes, the previous lifestyle reappears. They avoid going to office, watch a lot of movies, eat a lot of calories, do not exercise and seek someone vulnerably to listen to their profound agony.

So the reason for divorce can be anything, you lost a company that did not fit you or you do not fit in with them. It can be something as bad as getting hit on the forehead or as good as a mutual understanding for conflicting ambitions, whatever that might be, its a divorce from someone whom you liked initially. Sometimes it leads to loneliness, listlessness, lack of urge to do something constructive and so on. When your coping mechanisms weaken, try some of these negotiations with yourself. Some are funny but work for us to come out clean, totally free from emotional pain and self destruction.

1. Do some jumping jacks every two hours when at home, to distract your mind from negative thoughts about yourselves.
2. Deliberately stop talking about divorce with every friend of yours, because you will have a tendency to do so.
3. Do not pity yourself or feel lucky that you are free from a not so good person. Develop an attitude like, ‘it just happened’.
4. Read some science fiction. It is not as simple as a love story and neither it is a monotonous self-help book.
5. Become chaotic, there should not be a pattern in what you think. Scribble as much as you can, read it and laugh out loud.
6. Imagine improvement in work, materialize it but it should not be to look down upon your parting mate. It is a very big turn off for them. If you do not copy, compete, your decency makes the other person think about their loss.
7. Pray so much that instead of pushing yourself extra to cope, you can find direction in life and make the most of it.
8. Learn a new language or indulge in sports. Develop sportsmanship, learn how they win with consistency.
9. Smile as much as you can. Do not be a baby. Do not cry. Laugh at yourself. Meditate. Go for a swim daily.
10. Sleep full 6 hours. Make energy to achieve targets at work.
11. Be of help to your people like siblings, parents and friends.
12. Go to an art gallery, classical dance show or a public library.
13. Think hard about your partner. You will feel enraged, let that aggression come in your thoughts. Spend 3 hours thinking, but do not get disturbed or distracted. Then just say, ‘was it necessary? I am on my way to achieve my life’s call. Life is short. I cannot waste it on him’. Do this everyday until you are tired and ready to move on.
14. Do not distract yourself with quick fixes. Do not watch T.V. Let your thoughts come and go.
15. Remember life throws challenges on us, fight till your last breath to live well. Get well soon. There is a lot of nature to please you, even for a tiny speck on this planet to improve their niche and do good.

Divorces are frequent nowadays. If possible try to adjust. If you call simple ego clashes or discussions a torture, it means you need a divorce for no reason. Still it may happen, so then work upon yourself to become a better person and learn from the mistakes of each other and move on. Fortunate people are those who know what they want in life and work hard to get it. Be that fortunate. Pray.