Small steps to overcome shyness among adults

He got married. He wanted to be appreciated. He wanted to know his good points and he loathed to be himself. The only thing they taught him was to impress people around him. They said that being polite is the most crucial thing in life even if you feel bad inside.

Then when they compared, they urged him to open up before his wife. They spoon-fed him to be aggressive, and angry to look like a manly adult. He was confused about how to interact. When he interacted he was polite with his wife. Slowly he became stubborn and aggressive. He bled inside to conform to his wife.

Then one fine day, a maid-servant talked to him about a village of 1000 people. The village was poverty-stricken. They only fed their daughters some rice and broth. He visited that village and found a maiden. Her eyes were deep black, she was tall, slender, and fair. She was polite. He fell in love and divorced his wife.

He was all about her to his parents. They happily married him and raised a village. He raised his own children, earned them bread and butter, and started solving serious disputes among the villagers. He felt better. He no longer was shy, he became social and was one step higher in esteem. He found the love that needed him. He could now become free of the competition his parents set for him with his previous wife, his fate changed. Now he became important in his girl’s life. The story of this guy had a happy ending. So let’s rejoice.

Shyness occurs when you place the other person higher than yourself or want to appear the best in his eyes as a very docile and impressive character even though you feel crap inside. You are scared and insecure and you overdo to avoid a difficult conversation and go beyond your capacity to portray a very well-bred character. But the opposite happens in close relationships, you shout out your repressed emotions, and resort to violence and swearing. You try to debate in every conversation and keep doing so for gratification. You avoid gatherings, are afraid to be present in public and when you do, you do not participate much due to appearing most polite and good. I am not talking about those personalities who like to listen and comment intelligently and not speak much. I am talking about shyness which is not healthy. Because it makes you live an unreal life. You are not the same at home and work. At work or when out with friends, you sulk but are very polite, it takes away your presence of mind because you want to appear good.

Shyness is deep-rooted in our upbringing. Sometimes setting very high standards for your children makes them conscious about every action they take in every day lives.

If your child shouts out loud in a restaurant, you feel embarrased and shut him immediately or leave the place. You keep pressurising him to respect people around him and to talk with utmost culture to people who are seniors, superiors. The child might interpret this as something wrong or inferior in him. Not all children become shy though. But some are very sensitive and need meticulous parenting, otherwise they become shy whenever they are exposed to some testing and trying conditions in their adult life.

What harm has been done is done to an adult who was not intentionally bullied but was suffering as an adult. We can work upon him as in this hypothetical example, and bring him up.

Firstly give him ample time to have a me time with a set of questions he must answer. Questions like, what is it that you cannot do in life, with what should you do about it? Next, how much do you value your expressions in front of people? How do you think other people affect you? And why do you think that they get affected by you? What are your key morals and values that you cannot change even if you die? When is the last time you laughed at others? When is the last time you laughed at yourself? Do you like to lead or become a leader? What are your good points, how you want to express them? Do you always feel the need to express but dread feeling mocked at? So thats it. Now take small steps.

Consider your minutest interaction with the outside world as a project. Start with people who are not as privileged as you, then people like you to people who are better than you. You do not have to compare, go with the flow. We can put it better, start small talks with people who will listen followed by those who make fun of you (your bias, people don’t), then try conversing with people you envy. The project is to write your reflection. Write how you feel after that. Do you get angry? It is a positive sign, you can now assert what you feel is right, you get to be polite but assertive. Do something that gives you confidence, like he married the village and earned their respect, that girl is beautiful even if illiterate. You can raise her standard better than raising yours for the other girl. Eventually you feel gratified. Stop thinking too much after you are done with at least 50 such projects. Maintain a log book and get it signed by a confidante like your mother.

You made it. Now spend more time moving, talking, doing chores, taking care of your appearance and stand up for yourself. Give life a meaning like this fictitious character married a village.

Shyness in a girl for some particular moments are liked. It is cultural and it does not mean that she dreads people. It is a desirable attitude in most Asian countries. That is how they are brought up. But if the girls cannot interact in daily life with all kinds of people, then some intervention must be done.

So do not shy away from each other and build confidence.

Be successful.