Learn how to lead yourself
We can never lead people if we are incapable to lead ourselves!!
I spent an interesting time this Sunday with my parents. I shall not share things that are too romantic with them, but something that I noticed. What I saw is, they are old but then still refreshingly capable. They both are guilty of taking decisions in haste, and not all what they planned is absolutely correct. But they do have an outlook rather than not having one. They both lead themselves!! When these two leaders discuss things, a consensus is reached and I am sitting on the back seat trying to innocently judge whose proposition is more correct. Then a thought, a recall about a post on medium discussing codominance. I discovered I am dependent on both of them to lead myself. I always need someone to direct me, at least a viewpoint because I do not decide still at this age without discussions.
Another thing that I noticed, when I put across an idea, which if not too adventurous, is accepted with pride. But whatever they do not like, which is both do not like, is never accepted. I always thought there is no generation gap in my family. All decisions are tripartite. I have seen people hiding and lying to their parents. They must be mature enough to handle it, I do not judge that though. For me, its a very mature discussion of stuff with family. I feel as if they are my responsibility. I cannot stay aloof and want to get involved with them. People have many friends, and right now I have a few, but its not like I want to hang around with them all the time. I enjoy their company, but my parents are my duty, my love, and no circumstance I want to leave that can be enjoyed with them. This very thing helps me choose whom I should consider as friends. Quality of friends…..who lead themselves and set an example. Friends around whom I can feel comfortable!! They mean a lot to me. But again there was a revelation, family is the first school. What I am today is a tripartite, what I say or do or act like represents my family, so I need to carry this huge responsibility and I am doing as best as I can. I am unsure if its codependence or a democracy in this small social school called family, so can I lead myself effectively? Do I need to be democratic all the time? If I keep understanding everyone, I’ll forget myself. Again, if I take in the richness of information available around, that may make my decisions comprehensive or else could I get the strength to decide? So on and so forth, So I want to suggest some ways to my readers to lead themselves, only then it is worth to taste this one life that we have.
Keep the promises you make to yourself- If you want to write a book, that you decided in 2017, it should materialize, you must complete it when you begin say in 2023. That kind of gratification is one in lifetime. You get the motivation when you do it, nothing else is required. It may seem like a challenge in the beginning, but once done, you become a winner. You planned to read 5 academic books in a year, you win again when you could do that in 3 years’ time. An average person cannot go beyond 2–3 academic textbooks (around 800–1000 pages each) in an year thoroughly. They need help through lectures and videos to understand difficult texts without bothering themselves too much. There is plethora of everything now, so just begin. Both my parents have set this example, they keep up with their commitments. They plan things well in advance and complete what they planned, we bought a house, a decent living standard starting from scratch, but I never felt deprived during my childhood. Only during adulthood I became critical, that is when you start judging your shortcomings or when some misfortune attacks us.
Persist when things go wrong until you are sure enough to change your path- I know a girl, victim of violence and abuse against her for 5 years but she persisted with him until she was sure that she should leave him and start anew. The trauma was profound but she said, I must be sure, a marriage with him won’t last or will be a disaster. Today she is proud of herself that she is right. Not that she thought too much about it earlier, but the feeling that she did right helped her to move on, a mature person got created this way. Sometimes you are not in the mood to read or write, then wait for half an hour, try, and here comes another masterpiece. Laugh at it, but post it, its all a bunch of crap that we write everyday thinking we accomplished something. Write, persist, these small works of art have made you evolve and introduced you to a whole new world with the best brains on the planet who are all equally good. I do not judge them because it is an effort by very many people like me or better than me. They deserve those accolades, so read others whenever you can and write in a proportion of 3:1. Read at least 3 posts online before you write one. When your life goes fuzzy, read more, do not be confused, you get all the answers necessary to make you lead yourself.
Don’t be very flexible- If you accept things happening to you too soon, you cannot lead. Leaders do not sway from their path. I do not like being led by someone who has no opinion, and keeps themselves safe. But neither should they unbalance themselves by being fanatically on one side. Lets put it this way- We do our homework, listen to our thoughts, do our permutations and combinations, discard what is not worth our attention and channelize our minds out of trivial stuff towards peace and harmony by knowing yourself better, and how you will continue to know yourself better. Without reading your book, you cannot pass exams, without reading your own mind, how can you pass your life in superficial things? How can you not go deep with yourself? This depth clarifies your purpose that you only define for yourselves, similarly other people have their own concerns and depth. Let them be. Know your worth.
Try to be humorous in your thoughts also- Grief can blind you, trauma can deafen you and happiness and humor can help you tackle the most difficult situations with a smile and elegance, sometimes a smile is the most abundant asset that you have. Bring it to you even if it seems difficult and unnatural.
Look up straight- Try this. Muster up the courage. Show-up also in the most difficult situations. Stand out, you don’t have to fit in deliberately and desperately. Keep that in mind and you will fit, and feel accepted. You will feel, emotions of people, and someone who knows how to lead will acknowledge feelings before their decisions. So first listen to your emotions, fit into yourself, look up straight ahead, there are people to solve, work to be done and love to be given to those who desire, your family and friends.
So create, and lead yourself dear leaders. Then lead others through multiple revelations out of what you create.
